I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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