this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
