okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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