last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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