8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
