I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
