He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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