He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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