Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
