Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
