the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
