I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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