sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
