Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
