I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
