I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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