look no pants
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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