I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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