i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
