He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
