It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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