Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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