im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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