This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
