It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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