As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
