I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
