i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
