I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
