i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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