so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
