i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
