I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my poor anus
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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