Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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