I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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