yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
