She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
