I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
