She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A+ Viking dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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