The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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