oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
