So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
