I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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