So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
