what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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