i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
