I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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