how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
