Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
