For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
2020 sucks, I want a refund
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
