I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
